When my twins were 1-year old I thought I was finally getting it all together after having a really rough first year with them and my older son, in part due to postpartum depression. Even after the first year, with both twins crying, I realized I was still in the thick of it.
Having to Choose with Both Twins Crying
Every day, multiple times a day, I have to walk away from one twin when they’re crying to tend to the other. This happens at least 2 times a day when I bring them up to their rooms for naps and happens a 3rd time if both of us aren’t able to put them down for bed.
It’s so hard to walk away from my baby who is so upset their face is beet red while they’re crying, hitting the floor, and looking at me with pleading eyes because I chose their brother over them. I can see in their eyes that to them their life is crashing down around them. I do switch up who goes first each time to be fair, but they’re too young to understand that.
Back & Forth
When I’m finally putting baby 2 down, baby 1 starts crying in the next room because he’s not asleep yet and needs me again. Due to this, I go back and forth to babies in distress which often includes going up and down the stairs to get more and more milk.
For their second nap, it is taking upwards of an hour to get them both to sleep which is exhausting and means they don’t get much of a nap, and I don’t get a much-needed break. Often once one finally falls asleep, the other is awake so I have no break at all to recoup for the afternoon or get things done. I do realize they may be close to ready for dropping the second nap but that’s a whole different set of issues there.
In Comes the Third Child, or is he the First?
Another layer is for afternoon nap my eldest son needs me too. Often he is crying and screaming because he needs to go in his room for quiet time and wants to spend 5 minutes showing me how he sets up his toys. He wants to show me this often while both twins crying in their cribs so again I have to choose who to tend to while the others feel neglected and alone. It’s heartbreaking
I know this too shall pass but it’s incredibly difficult and has been this way for months without chance of letting up anytime soon. In fact, when we switch to just one nap I know this will all get worse.
I’m not sharing this to be pitied, I’m sharing this because I realize all I post on Facebook is the happy stuff, like everyone else, but I’m realizing I need to be more honest and real about how hard life really is right now. Thanks for reading.
Looking Back Years Later
As I hit publish on this post, years later, I’m glad to say so much has changed.
Now if I walk away from one twin to tend to the other and they’re both crying, it’s generally because one hit the other one. Not saying that’s a good thing but at least no one is crying because I had to leave him for the other one when he’s helpless and can’t walk yet.
They still take one nap but now that they’ve been walking for quite a while, the three of us hold hands as we walk up the stairs together. One waits patiently in his room, generally hiding to play hide and seek a bit, while I put the other one down for nap quick. Then I tend to the second twin who is often giggling. It’s much better.
I’m not going to lie though, things aren’t perfect, they’re hard in different ways now.
As a mom of identical twins and a son two years older, I have gained invaluable experience in the realm, and chaos, of parenting. With a Master's Degree and Education Specialist Degree in School Psychology, I spent years as a school psychologist, helping children navigate through their educational and emotional challenges. Now as a stay at home mom and professional blogger, I combine my areas of expertise to help you in your parenting journey.